As a counselor, the biggest question I get asked is, “How do I find my purpose?” This is always such a hard question to answer, because our purpose ultimately comes from what we take away from our experiences and aspirations, and is incredibly personal. Plus, I too struggle with defining my purpose and with finding ways to remain truthful to it.
The truth is, finding your true purpose is just step one of the process. You then have to create goals that define your focus, create an intentional routine that will help you achieve these goals, and then continuously check-in with yourself to make sure you are aligned with your goals and purpose. A lot of us (myself included) get really caught up in creating goals and placing focus on the wrong things.
Let me explain.
Four years ago, I was a senior in undergrad studying medicine and biology. I was part of a sorority, had a position of leadership in a couple clubs, and had a pretty great social life. However, I was completely and utterly detached from myself. There were many times where I would be in tears wondering how I felt so alone, unhappy, and unlike myself. When a problem would occur, I would ask myself, “What would Taylor do?” just constantly trying to get back in touch with the girl I once was.
My purpose in life has always been to help others. I have felt this since I was just a gal in diapers. However, as I got older my why had become clouded with wants and desires. This caused me to create goals that weren’t truly aligned with my purpose, and were more about pleasing others and my superficial self rather than focusing on what I actually wanted just for me.
For instance, I had zero interest in being a doctor. I just knew that doctors made a lot of money, and I would be financially taken care of. Also, no hate on the people in my life at this time, but I was surrounding myself with people who were not at all aligned with who I was. I kept them close simply to check the box of having a social life. I was only going after outward goals.
Continue reading “How to Find Your Purpose”
About 6 months ago I set out to make this the best year yet. I made a ton of goals, graduated from my master’s program, and decided to start focusing on growing my social media and forming a personal brand. While this is all well and good, I have completely lost touch with my inner me. You see, it’s so easy to get caught up in the physical and visible parts of ourselves (our bodies, our school work, our social media accounts, our friends) these things provide us with direct results and satisfaction. We can see ourselves getting what we want, and it feels amazing. However, it eventually won’t mean that much if you aren’t working on self-love too.
What is self-love? It’s what I like to think of as a combo of self-awareness and appreciation. According to google, it’s the regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic). Why is this important? You truly cannot find true happiness, love, and connection without it. A lack of self-love will result in difficulty in areas of confidence, relationships, success, and so much more. You may be in a relationship, you may have great success, but you will not feel connected to them.
For me, this neglect towards myself has caused me to feel a little lost, sad, anxious, and insecure. I have noticed that I have been constantly seeking validation from everyone and everything around me and feeling devastated when I don’t receive it. Why am I desperately looking for this validation? Because I’m not giving it to myself. So simple. I promised myself that I would focus on the relationship I have with myself for the remainder of this year, and will hopefully create rituals and habits that I will carry with me forever.
Continue reading “11 Ways to Increase Self-love”
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with anxiety and stress. In elementary school, I struggled taking tests, being away from my parents for longer than a few days, and being in new places. I remember when anxiety would pop up as a kid- I would immediately start crying. I had no way of communicating to others what I was feeling, but I knew I hated it. Eventually my anxiety subsided, and I would continue on thinking I just had a stomach ache or something. I was fortunate enough to experience anxiety in waves. There were times/years even where I experienced little to none, but when it did hit- it would hit hard and for long periods of time. My second big round of anxiety was in high school. My anxiety was so bad that I struggled to get to school in the morning. I would wake up and immediately throw up, break out in panic sweats, get tunnel vision, and shake profusely. I missed a lot of school, which did not help when I had days where I would drag myself to school. Because I was missing so much school- I was behind, and it was a big anxiety trigger for me to be sitting in class and have zero idea of what anyone was doing. It didn’t matter how many friends I had- I felt completely alone. Eventually, my parents put me in therapy, and finally I had someone I could talk with who knew exactly what I was going through, and would provide guidance on how to get through it. The best part- I suddenly had a name for this thing that had taken up so much of my life. I felt such relief to be able to say, “I have anxiety.” or “This is an anxiety attack.” My time with my therapist is definitely one of the biggest reasons I have become a therapist, and love working with the adolescent population so much.
Overtime, I learned to prevent and manage my anxiety, but as I got older- I also had to learn how to know and understand my anxiety triggers. For a while, I ignored them, and would run myself into the ground-ignoring my building stress until I would break. This resulted in a panic attack. Panic attacks are the absolute worst. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and called 911. When the responder told me I was having a panic attack, I was mortified. Panic attacks/ anxiety attacks leave you feeling drained, embarrassed, isolated, and scared. It’s tough, and I deeply feel for anyone who experiences them.
For a few years now I haven’t had panic attacks, and have only had anxiety for a few days here and there. When I do get anxiety, I am able to work through it and for the most part continue to do my day as planned. It’s all thanks to these tips and tricks. I have worked for years to find what helps me work through times of stress and anxiety, and have found ways that help me avoid having spells of anxiety. I decided to share these with you all! I’ve also included things that I have learned to use with my clients : ]
If you want more detail on these tips watch my video Here
Continue reading “How To: Manage and Prevent Anxiety”
Guys, I am on a high right now. You know that feeling where it feels like you are literally unstoppable, and that anything could happen? That’s what I’m feeling. However, a few weeks ago I didn’t feel this way at all. In fact, I felt the opposite. Not to sound too dramatic, but it felt like I was just floating through life. Like, I would drive from point A to point B and not even know how I got there. I just felt this overall sense of blah. The worst part, I had a list of goals that I wanted to achieve, but hadn’t really been taking them that seriously, which is totally unlike me. I knew changes had to be made. I needed a re-vamp on my life, and stat. Thus, project Girl Boss was born.
Continue reading “How to get a Girl boss Attitude”
- Believing that you are always right, or that you know everything.
We’ve all been there. We’re fighting with a boyfriend, a friend, family, or ourselves. We are so certain our perspective is not only right, but has to be true. Rarely, do we ask why. Why are you feeling this way? What belief do you have that is driving this reaction? Furthermore, it is extremely rare that we ask ourselves “What if what I believe is wrong?” In addition, when something isn’t working whether it’s in your professional or personal life we rarely ask, “What is it I’m doing wrong?” “What can I do differently next time?” It’s essential that we ask ourselves these questions. It’s essential that we accept that we just don’t know it all. If not, you are holding yourself back from growing, and eventually getting whatever it is that you are working toward.
- Your feelings are a result of someone else and their actions.
Have you ever had your heart broken? It sucks. It’s easy to fall into the habit of blaming the person who hurt you. “I’m hurt by what (Insert name) did to me.” We blame and live in a state of sadness or anger and think “One day I’ll be ok and get over this.” The issue here is you are placing the responsibility entirely on the other person. Responsibility for what happened, and responsibility how you are now. Now this may be harsh, but that’s 100% wrong. You are responsible for your feelings, and what you do with them. Next time you are thinking, “Ugh what they did sucks and I am so hurt because of it.” Stop, and ask yourself what it is that has struck this feeling in you. Most likely, it is because what has happened has distorted your reality in some way. Maybe it’s that you are valuing the wrong things at that time. Take responsibility for how you feel, and if you don’t like it- take steps to change it.
- Overnight success is a thing, and is pretty common.
Thanks to the media we have this false idea that people reach ultimate success overnight. This belief is propelled even further because of social media. We only see the success of others. It’s pretty rare that we see stories of people and their failed companies. However, we see the stories of people who launch a company and suddenly they’re millionaires. There is no one, and I repeat no one that is great at anything that hasn’t failed at that very thing before. If you see someone doing something at the level you want to be at know that it simply means they have failed at that one thing more than you. Rest assured that by continuing to fail, adapt, and try again that you are on the track to success. What success really needs is failure, growth, persistence, and time.
Continue reading “5 Lies that are Holding You Back”
I’m currently re-reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson. (Isn’t it funny how you can read or watch something numerous times, and get something new from it each time depending on what it is you’re going through?) While reading last night I read a section about indifference, and it really stuck out to me. According to Manson, “there is nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared… indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they give way too many fucks.” (p.15) He goes on to mention that indifferent people are afraid of the repercussions of their own choices so they end up never making any meaningful choices.
I have played the indifference card many times in my life, and I have been making a tremendous effort to change that the past couple years. I was just never able to put into words what it was I was doing. Take a second and look back on your life and think of the times you pretended not to care in order to protect how vulnerable you felt, or to mask how much you wanted something. What was it for? Acceptance? A job? Love? Now think about the times things just seemed to click and you got exactly what you wanted. Guarantee those were the times you just didn’t care and let yourself be.
Continue reading “Indifference”
Everyone likes to feel like they have everything under control. We plan, put in effort, and then expect the perfect end result. However, it doesn’t always work out in the perfect way, and it kills us. “But I worked so hard. This should not have happened.” We struggle with accepting that not everything is in our control, and give a lot of power to unavoidable situations. Thus, creating reactions to everything rather than creating reaction from
It’s an important practice to try and differentiate between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not. If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier, we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.
30 Things you can fully control
Continue reading “Stop the Battle for Control”
“You are enough. You are so enough. It is unbelievable just how enough you are.” – Unknown
Comparison and self doubt have been plaguing my days lately. I have made a goal for myself to try and grow my Instagram, blog, and eventually start a podcast. I really believe that this will all be a great learning experience for me as I struggle with putting myself in vulnerable positions. However, I’ve realized that it’s extremely easy to fall down a rabbit hole of insecurity when you’re spending time browsing social media. It seems like every account out there depicts a perfect life full of perfect bodies, photos, and content. It’s tempting to want to duplicate or compete against them.
Continue reading “Stop the Comparison Game”
“To begin, begin” – William Wordsworth
As you well know my name is Taylor, and I’m officially starting a blog! Those that know me will know this is a big deal for me. I have always wanted to create a space where I can showcase my creative side and share my love for all things health and wellness, and I’m so excited to be finally doing it. For a while now, I have struggled with what the first post should be. I wanted it to be a blend of myself, useful information, and fun. I have now written around ten posts, but none of them have felt right. Continue reading “Goals and Intentions”